There’s always one

This one was provoked by one of four nuts holding the exhaust pipe on my son’s car firmly to its manifold. I think it was trying to warn us against pursuing our intended decapitation of the engine. It succeeded.

Ain’t it odd, when something tricky must be done,
And you’ve mustered up your courage and begun,
That, just when you’re feeling good ’cos it’s all gone as it should,
One last screw is rusted up? There’s always one!

You have done the usual things to get it out,
And you’ve tried the clever tricks you’ve read about;
But no book on “How it’s Done” ever says “there’s always one”,
Yet it’s true – there always is, without a doubt.

If you wonder why the traffic flow has slowed,
It’s because there’s one rogue driver on the road
Thinks the overtaking lane is for chumps like him to stay in.
You can tell he’s never read the Highway Code.

Have you noticed, when you’re washing clothes, it’s queer
How a single sock can simply disappear?
There is always one that goes – it’s a loner, I suppose,
Seeking freedom. Who are we to interfere?

On a train, one man is bound to have a cold,
And there’ll be one child who won’t be good as gold.
Can you guess what they will do? Well, they’ll both sit next to you:
He will sneeze, and she will not do as she’s told.

Have you crossword addicts met the problem, too?
Do you rack your brains to solve the final clue?
Well, you might as well forget it ’cos there’s no way you will get it,
So there’s just no point in getting in a stew.

It’s no different when you go out for a meal:
Choosing something from the menu’s an ordeal;
Then the dish you’d like to scoff is the only one that’s “off”,
So you have to order one with less appeal.

Why’s it true there’s always one? It drives me mad –
Is there not a hope of good things to be had?
Sometimes, surely, one is best, standing out above the rest?
No it’s not –  if there is one, it’s always bad . . .

[Photo: Jim (]
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