Orchestral tips

Playing in an orchestra is great, but you need to choose your instrument with care . . .


If you play the double bass,
You need an awful lot of space,
Good eyesight, quite long arms, and comfy shoes.
If you’re violoncelloing,
You must make sure nothing’s showing,
Or the audience will get some shocking views.

Those who play the violin
Need a leftward leaning chin
And a left hand full of double-jointed digits.
Viola players, also,
Are much the same, but more so –
The viola’s big, it’s not a job for midgets.

Clarinettists, old or young,
Require a really mobile tongue
To give each note a crisp and sharp attack.
They, and other woodwind,
Need a strong and steady good wind
To stand out from the brass behind their back.

Brass players must be sure
They can form an embouchure
And still perform well when they’ve sunk a beer.
Percussionists must count
Up to quite a huge amount
Before the rests end and their notes appear.

Take note of this advice.
Think carefully, think twice,
Before you choose which instrument to play;
Then go for it. It takes
Lots of practice and mistakes,
But I’ll see you in an orchestra one day!

[Cartoon: Royal Forest of Dean orchestra]
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