Medoc o’ the Loch

According to research by Professor Richard Selley, of Imperial College London, persistent global warming will eventually make the south-facing slopes of Loch Ness suitable for viticulture. But a famous local recluse does not relish the prospect.


I am Nessie, the Monster, ye ken,
And ma home’s here in Scotland’s Great Glen.
I am shy, so I stay oot o’ sight in the day,
Though I do break the waves noo and then.

Folk try tae describe what I am,
While others believe I’m a sham.
They say, “Och, the noo, it just canna be true.
’Tis the whisky – ye’ve had a wee dram.”

I have noticed that this loch o’ mine
Is warming. To some folk, that’s fine:
They’ll plant grapes on the side o’ the Great Glen divide
And mak a real guid Scottish wine.

Then thousands of people will flock
Tae the slopes o’ this auld glacial loch
Tae sample, the noo, a wee tumbler or two.
And they’ll call it “Auld Nessie’s Medoc”.

But Auld Nessie they’ll not see again,
Warm waters I can’t entertain.
I shall sink tae the deep, and there I will keep
Ma ain counsel. Ye’ll seek me in vain.

[Image: Wikipedia]
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