Ache’s and pain’s?

A Sports Massage business used this heading in an advertisement in our local paper. It’s run by someone I’ll call Andy.

To Andy, whose business is there to ensure
Its patients with problems will soon find a cure
For problems with muscles and pains in the joints,
I’d like to complain on a couple of points:

Aches and pains in the plural, though nasty, I’m sure,
Are nothing to those that your readers endure
When seeing your Sports Massage ad in the press
Whose errant apostrophes add to their stress.

In reply to your question that asks: “Ache’s and pain’s?”,
Have you spotted the errors that message contains?
The apostrophes in it are ghastly mistakes,
You really don’t need them in “pains” or in “aches”.

Apostrophe use is a tricky affair,
But plurals don’t have them – they shouldn’t be there!
Possessives they’re not, and there’s no missing letter,
Please, Andy, delete them, and make me feel better.

 [Image: theoatmeal.com]
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