A lousy trick

Our local woodlice seem to be able to use to their advantage the properties of both quantum particles and warps in the fabric of the cosmos, which makes them hard to get rid of. I’ve tried the humane way; now it’s time to bring in the big guns of the universe.


It must be quantum tunnelling, it seems the only way
That woodlice, spotted on the floor, picked up and thrown away,
Can suddenly appear again exactly where you’d found ’em
Without traversing any of the carpet all around ’em.

Or are they using wormholes in the spacetime thingumajig?
(I’m blowed if I can see ’em, so they can’t be very big;
And why would all the wormholes end just here, inside my house?
It looks like modern physics has been mastered by a louse.)

Perhaps my trusty Hoover could take on another rôle:
To woodlice it should look just like a bloomin’ great black hole!
I’ll wind it up to max and fit the biggest nozzle size on,
Then suck those pesky arthropods past its event horizon.

[Image: a-levelphysicstutor.com (tunneling); bbc.com (wormhole); Wikipedia (black hole)]
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